btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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