She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
