I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
