If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize