i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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