Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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