apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Houston, we have a blender
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
