i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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