yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
