I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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