I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot