dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.