Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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