Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.