My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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