Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
