Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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