pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
