Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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