I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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