obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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