mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
