Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
