Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
