Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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