I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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