I am in a vortex of obligation.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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