You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
