sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
