Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
