You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
