Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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