Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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