I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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