i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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