Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
