I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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