I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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