I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize