Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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