God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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