Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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