oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
