I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
