Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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