the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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