Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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