Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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