you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
