lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
