I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
