Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
