great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
