Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
