It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize