I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
