just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
