Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
