A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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