I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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