woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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