I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
