There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
