Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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