fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just had sex bonerless
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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