Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
