i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My life is pants optional.
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