god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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