My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
