he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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