if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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