everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
