i don't like sucking hair
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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