I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
