party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize