is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
