So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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