In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
