Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
