I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
