There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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