Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
