i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
